Navigating Through Toddlerhood

From the outside, toddlerhood looks like a world of bliss. On the inside, parents might have differing opinions. In this digital age, most carers would concur that raising toddlers is a tougher challenge than it used to be when they were kids. The common last resort these days are screen time. Parents, if you’re stuck in a clueless rut with your toddler, here are some insights from Dr. Norazlin Kamal Nor, Consultant Paediatrician and Developmental Paediatrician from Sunway Medical Centre.

1Twenty80: Who are toddlers?

Dr. Norazlin Kamal Nor: Children aged one to three years of age.

1Twenty80: Growing up with tablets in hand, how are toddlers of today learning?

Dr. Norazlin: It is generally advised for parents and carers to reduce screen time in young children. For those below two years, none or minimal screen time is advised. For those above two, a maximum of one to two hours per day of suitable content with adult supervision. Excessive screen time is associated with reduced time for play and interacting socially with others, which could impact development, especially for speech, hearing and language as well as the development of social interaction.

1Twenty80: How can parents maintain a balance between screen time and healthy childhood?

Dr. Norazlin: There should be time for children to have access to free play, and for family members, especially parents, to be involved in playtime with children. To try to achieve a good balance, having a dedicated family or parent-child time would be beneficial, especially if this can be made a regular habit or practise. An example is daily reading or storytime that parents share with their children, which helps with bonding and encouraging a love of books and reading, as well as potentially improving speech and language.

Tantrums are a normal and healthy part of a toddler’s development. Up to half of children can have tantrums on a weekly basis, most of which are mild and last a few minutes.

1Twenty80: What are some common behaviours of toddlers’ when throwing physical tantrums or emotional meltdowns?

Dr. Norazlin: Common behaviours which are Part of toddler development:

1 TO 2-YEAR OLDS

• Intensely curious about the environment.
• No awareness of danger.
• Rebellious behaviour.
• Tantrums (crying, throwing objects).
• Defends own possessions and has little to no idea of sharing.

2 TO 3-YEAR OLDS

• Exceedingly active, restless & resistive of restraint.
• Has little understanding of common dangers.
• Throws tantrums when thwarted.

Tantrums are a normal and healthy part of a toddler’s development. Up to half of children can have tantrums on a weekly basis, most of which are mild and last a few minutes. Tantrums can manifest as explosions of anger, frustration and disorganised behaviour, including behaviours such as screaming, kicking, falling down, moving limbs wildly or running away. Some children may hold their breath, vomit, break things or hurt themselves or other people as part of a tantrum.

1Twenty80: What causes tantrums?

Dr. Norazlin: Tantrums are not uncommon in children aged 1 to 3 years. Throwing tantrums is a part of social, emotional and language development in the toddler years. Young children are often not able to communicate their needs and feelings adequately, such as their wish or desire to do certain things themselves, and this can lead to feelings of frustration. Throwing a tantrum can be one of the ways that young children express and manage feelings, and for them to try to change what’s going on around them.

A tantrum can be the expression of a young child’s frustration with his or her limitations or anger about not being able to get his or her way. A child may have trouble trying to figure out how to do something or complete a task. He or she may also not have the words to express his or her feelings. If a child is tired, hungry, feeling ill or has to make a change or transition, his or her threshold for frustration is likely to be lower, making a tantrum more likely.

Some common reasons for a toddler’s tantrum:

• Hunger.
• Tiredness, especially when they are not able to communicate this well.
• Stress, overstimulation or feeling overwhelmed, especially by excessive sensory input such as loud noises, bright lights, and too many people.
• Frustration, especially when they are denied something or are unable to do something.
• Strong emotions such as worry, anger, fear or shame that feel overwhelming.
• Seeking attention.

As children grow older, they start to develop self-regulation. Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage feelings and reactions. As the child gets older, he or she will be more able to regulate reactions and calm down when something upsetting happens, thus reducing the frequency of tantrums.

In some rare cases, a child’s tantrum could be a sign of an underlying problem, especially if the intensity and frequency of tantrums are excessive, or they happen beyond the expected age. If a child was causing harm to himself or herself or others, holds his or her breath during tantrums to the point of fainting, or has worsening tantrums after age 4, the parent should share these concerns with a medical professional. The doctor might consider physical or psychological issues that could be contributing to the tantrums.

Throwing a tantrum can be one of the ways that Young children Express and manage feelings, and for them to try to change what’s going on around them.

1Twenty80: How to prevent tantrums?

Dr. Norazlin: Firstly, by understanding that it is part of normal development during the toddler years.

To try to prevent or reduce tantrums:

• Be consistent and establish a daily routine so the child knows what to expect. This is especially useful for bedtime or rest time. Stick to the routine as much as possible. This is to avoid temper tantrums due to he or she not having enough rest or quiet time.

• Identify and minimise or prevent tantrum triggers like tiredness, hunger, worries, fears or overstimulation.
• Plan ahead and recognize how to avoid triggers. For example, going out with the child when they are well rested and not hungry. If you’re going to spend some waiting time with the child, keep the child occupied with small toy or snacks.

• Let children make appropriate choices and avoid saying no to everything. Give the toddler a sense of control, by letting him or her make choices. For example, asking if they would prefer apples or oranges for their snack.
• Praise good behaviour and give the child extra attention when he or she behaves well by giving the child a hug or words of encouragement.

• Avoid situations likely to trigger tantrums. For example, when taking a toddler out for a meal, choose restaurants that offer quick service.
• Help children understand their emotions by teaching them how to label feelings with words, for example: happy, sad, angry, tired, and hungry.

• Encourage the child to try to understand and handle difficult situations, and acknowledge positive behaviours. For example, “I just saw that you let your friend have that toy without getting upset. How did that feel? Did you feel calm and happy to share your toy?”.

• Try to teach and talk about emotions after a tantrum when the child is calm. For example, ‘Did you scream because you were angry the toy wasn’t working? What else could you have done?’.
• Model positive reactions to stress. For example, “I’m worried the rain is making us late. If I take some deep breaths, it will help me stay calm”.

1Twenty80: How can parents respond to tantrums?

Dr. Norazlin: Although a toddler throwing a tantrum can feel overwhelming, it is important to find ways to deal with it in a healthy and effective manner. Try to keep calm and investigate possible causes for the tantrum. If they are overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights, remove them from the area. If they are hungry, tired or sleepy, respond appropriately to their pressing needs.

Distraction can be an effective way to shift a toddler’s attention and reduce or stop a tantrum. Sometimes some behaviours can be ignored as long as it doesn’t cause harm to the child. As much as possible, avoid situations that trigger their tantrums. If an adult responds with loud, angry outbursts, the child might imitate that behaviour. Shouting at a child to calm down would also make things worse.

Instead, try to distract the child with a different object, a change of location or making a funny face or funny sounds. If the child tries to run into the street, stop the behaviour by holding him or her until he or she calms down, and then calmly explain the correct way to behave. When a tantrum is happening, acknowledge the child’s feelings. Work on managing those feelings when the child is calm.

1Twenty80: Could you share with us some tips on modern and positive Asian parenting?

Dr. Norazlin: A good way to develop rapport and build a close relationship with your child is by spending time, playing and communicating with your child. Set some time every day just for you and your child. The priority should be to spend time with your child, without any distractions. This can be in the form of eating at least one meal together, walking or running in the park in the afternoon together, playing a board game together as a family, or taking a few minutes before bed to read a bedtime story with the child.

To develop language, engage the child from birth, and talk and play with them in a way suitable for their age. Share and enjoy childhood games together and encourage positive habits such as daily reading. At appropriate ages bring them to visit interesting places such as the beach and the zoo, taking the opportunity to point things out and talk with them about new experiences. Reduce the use of gadgets and screen time to a minimum, and when used, share the experience with the child and only use content appropriate for their age.

Engage the child in play activities appropriate for their age. Allow them to mingle and play with other children in order to support their social development. Involve them in simple household activities that relates to their self-care. Make them feel like they are a part of a functional, active family with individual roles and responsibilities. This is a great start to instilling independence and their ability to manage themselves in the world.

Parenting can feel like a lonely boat that’s sailing aimlessly in the vast ocean. Little do you know, there are many other lonesome boats too. Fortunately, some of them have set a course on a direction and they want to share it with you!

Tips on Navigating Life With My Toddler