Catching up with friends wouldn’t be the same if there wasn’t any gossip about your other friends or even family members. However, some may feel guilty because gossip is often seen as malicious and even its metaphors like ‘spreading the dirt’ or ‘got the dirt on someone’ point to gossip as something dirty and bad.
Men and women who gossip could use it as a form of currency in exchange for feeling better about themselves or even a way to advance themselves. Thus, people who gossip are seen as calculative, selfish and often disliked in certain social circles.
The ugly side
Gossip, especially if it comes to something negative such as ‘Oh, Rob just got divorced because his wife decided to leave him’ or ‘Lila got pregnant and went an abortion!’ could really hurt a person’s reputation especially if only one side of the story is out there. Perhaps Rob was cheated on and Lila didn’t actually get an abortion but miscarried instead.
Hearing negative things about someone could affect your work as well. This is because you’re more likely to think badly of them and misjudge their demeanour which could lead to you not being able to work closely and successfully with this individual.
To break this cycle, next time you hear negative gossip about someone, perhaps try playing the devil’s advocate and say something like ‘Are you sure about that? He is a hard-worker so he wouldn’t have done that on purpose’ or ‘Maybe she did that to lend a hand?’.
The good
On the other hand, gossip could do good by warning someone about another person who may harm them. For instance, alerting your new co-worker on what ticks the boss off or another person’s manipulative behaviour could help them avoid sticky situations. Additionally, perhaps letting your friend know that your dentist isn’t great at his job could help them not waste their time and money.
When your mum says, ‘Don’t associate too much with her because she’s a bad influence’, she doesn’t mean to gossip maliciously about someone. Rather, she’s trying to protect you from potential bad behaviour because she’s concerned about you and loves you.
Gossip is also a way to bond with your friends and family. Chatting about someone who happens to not be there with someone you trust and feel safe confiding in could foster camaraderie.
At the end of the day, it is completely up to you to decide whether or not to participate in gossip. There’s nothing wrong with partaking in a little bit of gossip but do ensure that you know the difference between gossip and spreading rumours about someone. If you hear something completely untrue about someone, do speak up and stand up for them since they’re not there to defend themselves.
Reference: Psychology Today
