Every family’s story is unique, but some journeys require an extraordinary amount of strength and resilience. This is the story of Sharon Wu, a caregiver for her autistic son. Her journey is not defined by the challenges she faces, but by the love and unwavering dedication that have guided her every step.
Meet Sharon Wu, a mother of two and an advocate for autism since 2023. Her journey started when she discovered that her second child, Marcus, was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2. She observed that her son showed some unusual behavior or traits, like:
- Had no speech,
- Rarely made eye contact,
- Made repetitive sounds, and
- Walked on his tiptoes.
A particular moment that stood out was during the loud burst of Chinese New Year firecrackers, while everyone else was startled, Marcus showed no reaction, almost as if he hadn’t heard a thing!
Concerned, Sharon first took Marcus to a child psychologist. She later found out that Marcus has Level 3 autism, meaning that he needed very substantial support in his daily life. This then marked the beginning of a new, unscripted chapter in Sharon’s life.
1Twenty80: What were your first thoughts and emotions when you learned about your child’s autism?
Sharon Wu: At that moment, I felt my whole world shattered. It was heartbreaking to know that my son would not have a normal life like any other child would have, like going to school, going to university and getting a degree, or having a good job.
1Twenty80: How has being a mother to a child with autism changed you as a person?
Sharon Wu: I’ve learned a lot through my son. I’ve learned to be more patient, to be more grateful and be happy with small progress. I also learned to take things slowly, not be judgemental and accept imperfection, while also being self-forgiving and to have self love.
1Twenty80: What does a typical day look like for you and your child?
Sharon Wu: My typical day would revolve around his schedule. Usually in the morning, I’ll make sure that he gets ready for the transporter to bring him to his school, a special needs school, and I’ll pick him up from school around lunch time. He also has some extracurricular activities and he is learning drums. He also goes for taekwondo under the special needs category and attends a group gym.
1Twenty80: What are the biggest challenges you face in supporting your child’s needs?
Sharon Wu: Marcus has sensory issues, and is sensitive to thunder claps. This makes it very challenging for me and my husband. Whenever it rains, all windows and doors are closed to minimize the sound. Marcus would always stay in the storeroom–his safe space–that we fortified with drywall to make it more soundproof. He would also wear thick earmuffs, and he would bring his iPad or his laptop.
However, if the thunder claps are too intense or the bad weather lasts too long, even his safe space cannot contain the anxiety and stress that builds up in him. He then has a meltdown, pushing down whatever that is closest to him–it could be a dining chair, a small coffee table, or a stand fan.
Then, either I or together with my husband, will have to restrain him whenever he has a meltdown. And sometimes, I ended up hurting myself. Both my husband and I will have sleepless nights due to unexpected weather change at 3 AM. Whenever we hear him rushing into the storeroom, we have to be on standby in case a meltdown happens.
Other than our house, we would drive to the basement three parking lot of the nearest mall. We will just sit in the car, listen to music or take a nap while waiting for the rain to stop or until he’s ready to go home. He always knows when the thunderstorm is over, despite us hiding out in the basement car park.
1Twenty80: How do you balance your child’s care with your own mental and emotional well-being?
Sharon Wu: As my life revolves around him, I would face burnouts. So the way I cope with it is by having ‘me time’. At first, I would have no idea on what to do as my focus has always been on my son only. However, I realized that I just do not have to do anything. I can just go sit by the pool side, walk around the garden, or grab a cup of coffee and have a slice of cake.
“Having ‘me-time’ really helped because it allowed me to see things from a different perspective. I’m then able to realize that the issue is not a big deal. Whatever happened, happened. So, we just move on, pick up the pieces, face reality, and keep going.“
1Twenty80: What brings you the most joy in raising your child?
Sharon Wu: I found joy in his hobby. Marcus loves to collect data and compile his own list. For example, he would search up the capital city of every country, along with the color of the flags and more. I sometimes learn certain things through him.
1Twenty80: What strengths or unique qualities do you see in your child that you’d like others to know about?
Sharon Wu: Just like many children with autism, Marcus is very visual. This means that it is easier for them to learn when there’s visual. One unique thing about Marcus is that he likes to collect CDs from the flea market and use a CD burner to compile and curate his own playlist.
1Twenty80: How has your family (or community) grown stronger through this journey?
Sharon Wu: I am very fortunate that my husband and I can grow closer through Marcus. My husband is very supportive and we work as a team when it comes to Marcus. We will talk about our opinions to have a better understanding of each other’s perspective. As a full-time caregiver and a mother, I sometimes feel that I haven’t done enough for my family and Marcus. But my husband will always tell me, assuring me that I am doing great, not to be so hard on myself and not to compare myself to others.
1Twenty80: What are some misconceptions about autism that you wish people understood better?
Sharon Wu: Many thought that autistic people refused to focus or don’t want to pay attention, which is wrong. They have trouble focusing due to their sensory issues, therefore, they will absorb everything at one go.
For example, right now we are having a conversation, while the barista is preparing a cup of coffee, and there’s background music. For us, we are able to filter off all the noises and concentrate on each other’s voices. But for a child with autism, everything comes at the same volume, making it very distracting and difficult for them to focus.
“Many people mistakenly believe that autistic individuals are lazy or simply unable to focus. In reality, they are trying their very best just to cope and remain present. They engage in constant self-regulation; specific movements—sometimes like making unique sounds—are their way for coping, composing, and grounding themselves. If they don’t regulate themselves, they would quickly be overwhelmed and have a meltdown.”
1Twenty80: How has this journey impacted your mental health, and what helps you cope?
Sharon Wu: This journey has impacted my mental health of course. And, the fear helps me to cope. Fear is the driving force. If I am no longer around, then who will care for Marcus? Who will love him? This fear then makes me and my husband to continue guiding him and to not give up on him.
1Twenty80: What kind of support would make a big difference for parents like you?
Sharon Wu: For special needs schools or classes, they will need to have more teachers and make sure that the student ratio per class is smaller. I heard that some special needs classes have a high student ratio. If not, the parents are going to complain about the teacher not teaching their students well, etc. This makes it unfair for the teacher as they only have two hands and one mouth. Adding to that, teachers need to go for a lot of training. They need to fully understand the child because each autistic child is different, even twins diagnosed with autism are not the same.
“We cannot get health insurance for our autistic son. Autism is a neurological disorder and it has nothing to do with his health. Then, why did the insurance company refuse to give him insurance?”
1Twenty80: What advice would you give to other parents who just found out their child has autism?
Sharon Wu: Stop being in denial. If you are, then you are not actually helping your children. I know that it is very devastating, but your child needs you. So do not give up on your child no matter how difficult it is. And have faith, because there will be some improvement no matter how small the progress is.
1Twenty80: What message would you like to share with the wider community who are fighting the same battle as you?
Sharon Wu: You are not alone in this journey. There are other parents who are also experiencing the same journey like you. So don’t give up and reach out to others.
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